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Captain Kirk battles a canonite

Captain Kirk battles a canonites warrior for your freedom!

< !-- If you've really gotten this far... man, oh man! What were you thinking!? I mean, c'mon folks! Seriously, did you not already know!? -- >

The canonites, or canonite as the plural form is, is a race of alien sticklers from the XXX class planetoid Real World LXIX. This race believes that Star Trek is real; that Janeway is "Miss Universe" and that anyone that doesn't like her is a "janeway hAter"; that anything officially licensed is true, and that fan fiction is even more true.

To see if you are a canonites, check the questionnaire below:

1. Do you admire Janeway and believe that she is by far the best Captain and that nobody else even compares?
 
58
 
164
 

The poll was created at 20:00 on April 6, 2007, and so far 222 people voted.
If you answered "Yes" to this question, then you belong to the hordes of canonite out there. Sucks to be you dude.

Protecting One's Self Edit

If comfronted or even surrounded by rabid canonties, there are defensive measures.

A club or a torch would be the first measure of self defense against a single canonite, however one must be aware of the violent speed and strength possessed by these psychotic foes. They fight with an animal fury, and even primal fears of fire or bodily injury are little concern to them. Causing severe damage to the limbs or spine is the only way to neutralize a canonite. DO NOT inflict injuries on the head. This is a waste of time. The average canonite functions perfectly well without a brain in day-to-day living and this does not change in combat. Only attack areas that will hinder their offensive abilities.

Groups of canonites present a far greater problem. One person, even a trained fighter, cannot hope to survive against rabid packs of these foes. However, stunning canonites is possible and the first phase in the most effective tactic against groups, that of retreat. If surrounded, use one of the following phrases:

  • Generations doesn't make sense!
  • Why didn't Janeway ask Q for a way home?
  • Threshold!
  • Explain Amanda Rogers and the Q stories on Voyager!
  • Voyager can't replace shuttles!
  • (Alternate) Voyager can't replace torpedoes!
  • Spock has emotions in "The Cage"!
  • Khan recoginizes Chekov in Star Trek II, but Chekov isn't on the Enterprise until season 2!

You must then run. Do not attempt to engage groups of canonites unless armed with anything short of an Abrams Tank.

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