Officer

An Officer has an office. Fact. An Officer gets better quarters and shifts. Fact. An Officer is better than life. Fact. An Officer gets some. Fact. (Measley Cruncher was a Virgin, plus he wasn't a proper Officer, so he doesn't count. Plus Joseph Carey, although claiming he was married, was clearly a Virgin.)

They usually potter around with buttons and knobs and things when on duty, unless they are Captains, or even better, Commanders, when they just get to walk around with clipboards pointing at things and ordering crewwomen to undress and show them their thingies. Commanding Officers could also order their 'Number One' to go and take a Number Two, or make an order to "Fire the Retro Rockets, shoot the Fruiton Torpedoes, and make us go, uh, thataway."