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Damn

Honestly, I was going to find a normal picture of Major Kira and put a witty caption under it. But well...

Kira Nerys was the goddamned unappointed queen of Bajor. Don't think so? She literally had access to all data and information avaiable on her planet at any given time, authority over anyone entering or leaving the portions of territory claimed by her people, and could call legions of Bajoran troops up from planetside to do her bidding at basically any time she damn well pleased.

Oh wait. There's more.

She was the passionate lover and almost-wife of her planet's most charasmatic religious leader until his death. She has a longstanding close (in so many ways) relationship with the secular leader of her entire world. And let us not forget to note her direct superior's job is to talk to her gods for a living. Thus, the Bajoran chain of command goes something like this:

  • The Almighty Gods
  • Their Prophet
  • Major Kira

I would also like to point out she watched over her people from a castle in the fucking sky, and backed an armed rebellion that was quickly installed to power with majority rule of the government.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most powerful main cast member of Star Trek history. I'd like to see Seven of Nine technobabble herself out of trouble with nanites when Kira just carpetbombs the shit out of her house and sends in ground troops to mop up survivors. In short she is the queen bitch of Bajor.


BioEdit

Kira is a former Bajoran terrorist. She used to kill spoonheads for fun and profit during The Occupation. A serious patriot and adherent to the Prophets, Kira Nerys made killin' her business, and business was good. In an era with hologram sex puppets, household appliances that can make anything on command, and teleporters Kira basically lived in shitty caves from 14 to adulthood with other angry alien armed insurgents. A good day to Kira was when she actually had ammo for her gun and did not need to resort to beating Central Command flunkies to death with a rifle butt. However, when she wasn't going all Viet Kong and using a log for a pillow she got to fly honest-to-god space fighter planes on super fucking awesome missions that probably made Wing Commander seem like Solitaire. Her diet during this time consisted of hate, rage, and as many moon spiders she could hunt down. Seriously.

She was so good at her job of murder and blowing shit up someone deduced that in peacetime the safest place she could be was off the goddamned planet.

She totally supported Dukat's campaign of violent piracy against the Klingons. This was depsite the fact Bajor was officially neutral in the Klingon-Cardassian conflict and Dukat was the former abusive tyrant over her people. Dukat, as a note, is on record of having sexually abused numerous Bajoran women and personally murdering numerous innocent Bajoran civilians. She later became a Dominion sympathizer, selling out her entire people and at least one strategic asset to the enemy.

Kira had sex with many, many men. She was also totally down with O'Brien's idea for a threesome with he and his wife Keiko in that episode when everybody was bumping uglies. This, however, nerver materilzed as Keiko wouldn't allow it unless Jake Sisko was thrown in the mix to, but O'Brien just wasn't havin' any o' that. Kira had sex with Jadzia and Leeta in the holodeck in Quarks and later with Ezri Dax.

Hey, sailorEdit

Kira had sex with about half the modern cast. Below is a partial list of her dance partners.

  • Ben Sisko
  • Jake Sisko
  • That old dude who would not leave his moon
  • Bareil
  • Skakaar
  • Odo
  • O'Brien
  • Morn
  • Nog
  • Grand Nagus Zek
  • Brunt
  • Brunt's Nausicaan bodyguards
  • Damar
  • Ziyal
  • Holographic Trills
  • Jadzia Dax
  • Leeta
  • Both Rikers
  • Dr. Bashir, (I presume.)
  • Tom Paris
  • Lwaxana Troi
  • Deanna Troi (2368)
  • Mirror Bareil
  • Mirror Garak
  • Mirror Sisko
  • Bajoran Militia Divisions 7, 8, 14, 15, 17, and 18 (Not in one night, though!)
  • Two full platoons of Jem'Hadar (Okay, that was done in one night.)
  • Half the Cardassian Occupation force (Insert your own joke here. We haven't had much success.)
  • General Martok
  • Two full Warbirds worth of Romulans ("Visionary")
  • The entire provinces of Dakur, Hedrickspool, and Kendra
  • Lewis Zimmerman
  • Matthew McConaughey

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