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The Borg

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we r teh br0g. lor ur sheldzors n srrndr ur shpz0rs - Borg children who just discovered aol


Borg behind-the-scenes

(Drone at left) "Damn man, you see that cute little computer processor over there? I'd like to stick my nanoprobe tubiles into her USB port IF you know what I mean!"

The Borg are a race of cybernetically-enhanced organisms who roam the galaxy in order to scout and suck people's brains out but usually never colonize, or patrol in a single ship format looking for people to suck the brains out of, while allowing enemy ships to sneak through easily. In their defense, they generally don't give a shit about such sneakers.

When not letting their usually easily assimilated targets get away, the take part in another hobby, assimilating other cultures.

This involves scanning the vessel for good porn to download, once the porn has been collected (usually from ships including members of the 'Barclay' clan), they will hail their ominous hail of all hail Mary's:

We are the Borg. You will be Assimilated, lower your shields and surrender your defences. Your Biological and Technological Distinctiveness will be added to our own. Resistance is Futile.

Or. on occassions when the Borg are feeling particularly destructive:

We are Borg. We will %@$# your &!*$ sideways. Resistance is ^0$@. Snootch to the nootch. (Note: %@$# and &!*$ are actual words in the Borg language.)

Once, a particularily bored drone gave this hail:

We are Borg. Your ass will be elimated, lower pants, and... you know what?! It's not my fault I can't remember my lines! I'm just one drone out of quadrillillons! Restisance is a waste of my time!

Upon this they cause all sorts of mayhem on ships, trying to steal tech and assimilate crewmembers, occasionally the Borg Mother o' Hoes would come aboard and try to seduce crewmembers.

Borg cube model

The Wells-class Borg Box, patrolling Borg Junction #11054 in "Tripod" mode.

The Borg are a psychoscientificpseudocultural sentient beings whom lost the ability to reproduce sexually in the early 21st century. Before this they were simply known as the "Bored".

The "Bored" were a first created by using paper clips and duct tape for special effect purposes for the adult entertainment industry of Omnicron Persi IIV. This use of "high technology" was spurred by the recent showing of MacGyver episodes.

Borg2 preveiw

Non-Sensical Borg Jibberish

Over time they industry added somewhat functional cybernetics to their physiology. "To add to the realness," they said; "It would be beneficial to our customers." Famous last words. Now the Borg as we know them today had little in common with the "Bored".

The "Bored" were a peaceful race until they lost their ability to reproduce. They were already pissed off with this. Coupled with this their "Intarwebs" was rampant with useless programs and chess games. Suddenly there was a massive Ion storm (others believe that the Klingons were responsible for this), and it sent a power surge through their "Intarweb" and created a single collective. It took them about 45 seconds to figure out how to alleviate their reproduction issue.

Cyb Borg

Different types of Borg Drones (Borg Hebot and Borg Queen not included).

The rest is history.

The Omega Plotline Edit

In 2375-ish, Captain Janeway (a/k/a "Queen of the Universe"), of the U.S.S Voyeur, and her rival Captain Janeway of the U.S.S Voyager found the Omega-Red Particle. Resident lesbian, and ex-Borg drone Seven of Nine recognised the importance to the plot of the Omega-Red particle, and came up with a silly reason to focus on it so. Using her super Borg logic (and even super-er boobs), she bullshitted to the crew that this particle was the epitome of perfection as perceived by the Borg Collective, thousands of cells forming as one to achieve utter perfection. "Meh, it makes sense if you watch the episode" Major West pointed out to resident pantsman Tom Paris.

However, in usual Janeway style, she decided that the Omega-Red particle, along with the Caretaker, and any number of peaceful races inhabiting the Delta Quadrant, must be obliterated for the sake of the Federation. So it was put in a big container in the safest place, cargo bays on board Voyager and Voyeur. There it achieved super awesome status which Seven of Boobs witnessed, thus making her the first drone to experience utter perfection, first hand....first umm sight I mean...And the particle dissolved or....something.

Why is this on the Borg page? Umm, i'm not too sure...CamsyD 13:01, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Memory Alpha logo
For canonites with no sense of humor, Memory Alpha has created a so-called article on The Borg.

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