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Top 10 Crimes of Trek

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Eh. I figured this article was a decent idea. Please, feel free to add your two cents here! This is really open to your own opinion, but some things that will be listed here should be known as universally disgusting and just against all of God's creatures. I won't be listing the new movie, because I just won't. These, as of right now, are not in any particular order per se but that could change.

God I hope this page is funny.


Behold! The Crimes Against Us! Edit

  • 10. Vic Fontaine. The fuck. I was just watching a show about people on a space station in a galactic war with aliens and stuff. And then it changed to a goddamn Ratpack period piece. Now, I like the old showbiz-time humor and singing and all that, it is classic americana. But there's a time and a place for it. The fucking people (or person) that fucking made Vic Fontaine and his whole bullshit bullshit need to understand I tuned into DS9 mainly to watch spaceships shoot at each other and actors play roles in a sci-fi setting. Not to watch a goddamn shitty sitcom.

I could just go on why Vic Fontaine sucks, so much more needs to be said...but I'm done. So often does he blind me with rage.

  • 9. Rick Berman's generic music. TNG in the start had some great, great music. And then after Rick Berman took over he replaced the composer (does anyone know his name) with cheap, generic, shitty TV/Elevator music which we needed to deal with for the rest of TNG and all of Voyager. (DS9 was better though, wasn't it? Anyway.) I never really realized the whole problem with music in episodes of modern Trek until I starting watching reviews of the series by SFDebris. Once someone points out that the music goes from something unique and fitting to dull and barely noticable it really makes you look at the past decades of Trek differently. Movies and television use good music for enriching the show. I recall virtually no dramatic moments from any Voyager episodes from way back when I first used to watch the initial broadcasts on UPN. Now that I go back and watch the show now its painfully obvious why. The music is the same stupid bland shit all the goddamned time.

I like watching the early TNG seasons for one reason. The music. Its so cool! Even episodes that are beyond suck from early TNG have this most wonderful sci-fi music you fall in freaking love with. Ironically, near the tail end of Enterprise, the music became good again. In Terra Prime/Demons when Tucker is trying to break out of his holding cell the most wonderful music is playing. Go watch if you're not familiar with it. I know, I just endorsed the watching of Enterprise. But it is to make a point. And the music in that scene is really awesome like the old TNG scores.

Fuck you, Rick Berman.

  • 8. Seven of Nine's and T'Pol's clothing. I won't say anything more lest I be forced to kill again. I will not mention all the other stuff that should be mentioned with these two bitches. I will only mention the catsuits. If you do not understand why their method of dress is a crime, then congradulations, you are one of the reasons Trek has fallen so far.
  • 7. Star Trek Generations, and Killing Captain Kirk. Oh, this one's a fucking given. I'll rule it as one crime, as the movie's plot alone is so bad that it would be a crime with or without Kirk's death. The movie, it doesn't make sense. And why did Kirk have to die? And honestly, the reusing of the exploding BoP from Star Trek VI. The fuck?
  • 6. Threshold. Dude, on top of everything else, you provided a WAY HOME to a show where the entire point was getting home. Damn.

I'm not sure about some of the other things that should be listed here. But I mean, it is all rather subjective and all my opinion (well a lot of it anyway). I'm thinking of other things.

  • Romulan shoulder pads
  • The mishandling or deaths of certain characters like Keiko, Gowron, David Kirk, Alexander, and Kes
  • The cutting of the character of Janus Rand
  • Introduction of Borg nanites
  • SO MANY THINGS ABOUT "ENTERPRISE", like how you made Bakula a bad TV Captain
  • Not seeing Hoshi, Kira, Yvonne Craig, Seven or Torres naked, nor in any way engaged in hot lesbian sex - ooooooo and Tasha
  • Frickin' Troi.
  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture
  • Star Trek V
  • The institution of the Prime Directive as religious doctrine
  • Mary Sues like Wesley and Janeway
  • DS9 season 7
  • TOS season 3
  • Lack of serialization beginning in the Original Series - yeah I said it
  • The implementation of technobabble as the base of the food pyramid
  • Neelix
  • Phlox
  • Making Q something along the lines of Orko or Gazoo from the "Flintstones"
  • The utter mindlessness of TNG-era Klingon culture
  • Star Trek Insurrection
  • Star Trek Nemesis
  • Section 31
  • The intentional non-use of all the aliens and things from TOS in TNG
  • The joy of Godless Communsism!
  • Aliens if the week - how many bumpy foreheads can there be...?

Jesus, I forgot how many things suck in Trek...

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