Wes and data

Crusher and his loyal friend B-4; note Captain Picard and Mr. Worf in the background, sporting the latest Starfleet dress uniforms.

Wesley Crusher
Gender : Male
Orientation : Bisexual
Species : Betty Sue
Born : 2368
Died : PLEASE!
Affiliation : Betty Sue Starship
Rank : Acting Ensigh
Serial number : 3.14
Status : Hated (Forever)
Motherf*cker : Himself (deceased)
Mother : Beverly Crusher
Sibling : Himself (deceased)
Martial Status : Paramour
Spouse : Any crewmember w/big boobs or balls
Children : Himself
Blood Type : Spilled
Actor : This Poor Guy
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For canonites with no sense of humor, Memory Alpha has created a so-called article on Wesley Crusher.

Goes by the names of Wesley Crusher, Specialboy, SHUT UP WESLEY!, and Sci-fi's most hated character.

Who does he think he is?Edit


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Wesley Crusher is some little snot-nosed kid who bossed around the trained Starfleet proffesionals who had spent whole lifetimes learning their trade. This was made worse by when some alien from the space-time-daydreaming continuum convinced Jame-Luck Pickirk that Wesley was special and a Mozart of machines 'Where Someone (Kirk) Has Gone Before', when he really had so such blind idiocy because he was his own son and father. The Enterprise crew would sit back and talk during crisises and let specialboy save the day.

Relationships with adultsEdit

Wesley constantly considered adults to be his metnal inferiors, especially Mr. Datum until he became the ship's pimp.

Jame-Luck PickirkEdit

Constantly sucked Pickirk's balls in order to become a acting ensigh. Pickirk finally relented mainly because Wesley's propositioning him on the Bridge was getting awkward. Acting ensigh he became as he only acted, using the position to pick up chicks and the ship's ho.

Million B(alls) RikerEdit

Saw him as an idol to live up to. Later Wesley compeated with him and Lt. W00t for Vageanna Troillop's bed, the three would schedule seperate sex times with her.

Geordi La PorridgeEdit

Hated him because he was the engineer a position Wesley covetted almost as much as Tasha Whore, Vageanna Troillop, and his mom's beds or all three of them at once. He helped Whore's acausal daughter capture La Porridge in return for sex.

Tasha WhoreEdit

Wesley considered Whore to be a brainless slut with a g-spot bigger than her brain. They first had sex in 'Get, Naked, Now!' in a deleted scene where Wesley sneeks into her quarters and rapes her.

Lt. W00tEdit

Wesley thought of W00t like a program, somthing to be manipulate for gain. When he was feeling particularly horny Wesley tried to do it with W00t, fortunatly the scars were never discovered.

CMO Beverly CrusherEdit

During his horny years Wesley attempted incest with his mother. Eventually he got her pregnant and journeyed back in time to his house when he was a child and dropped the baby (really him) at his parents' door. Often Wesley would do a threesome with her and Vageanna Troillop.

Vageanna TroillopEdit

Like all crewmembers—both male and female—Mr. Crusher decided that Troillop would bring him immense sexual satisfaction. Also like all crewmembers, she did. When she became one of Data's hos, Wesley would often sneak sex from her at risk of pain from Data's boys.


Wesley commonly laughed at Data, and constantly solving simple little problems below the mandroid's attention. They ended up in bed when Wesley pleaded for mercy when he wouldn't pay for frickin' his mother and the counselor.

Wesley CrusherEdit

Wesley considered himself to be the best thing since Sliced Bread, Booze, Boobs, Sex, and T'Pol's ass. Because he was his own father Wesley had an inflated ego and all the expierenced crew members let him solve their problems while they sat around and discussed idiotic topics.

Later LifeEdit

Later Wesley would create the holosuite when he ran out of crewmembers to make love with. He eventually sold the programs to Quirk on DS4.5, which subsequently led to some of the most sexually forthright phrases in all Star Trek.
Eventually a mob of disgusted and hateful Trekkies attacked and killed Wesley, thereby saving the galaxy from one of the most notorious Betty Sues.

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